“really, just blow the bitterness and fear away” [jon katz]
I decided to write a blog.
This is a bold and decisive move for me. I don’t generally make bold and decisive moves. I’m not a puddle-diver.
I decided that after getting up, filling Indi-dog’s Kong and making cofffee, the climax of the morning was NOT going to be sprawling on the couch and playing Plants Vs. Zombies, as it has been for the past, oh, four months. Instead, I would work on a draft for my first blog.
You can probably see where this is going.
Let’s just say I killed my fair share of zombies this morning.
Why? What is that? Is is fear? Is it laziness?
Both are obstacles that pop up for me again and again. Sometimes in in the morning, before meditating, I say a little prayer to Ganesha, Remover of Obstacles. At least I know that my obstacles are inside me, I don’t balme anyone or anything else. That’s a start, I guess.
Yoga Sutra 1.2 holds true for me; my mind spins, a wind like a hurricane. And when the breezes of fear, laziness (more of an anti-breeze, I guess) and misunderstanding blow, as they often do, I am in trouble.
My nephew Neko made up a song we used to sing to Harper-dog. “Hold it, sit down, focus, don’t pull on the leash,” to the tune of Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face.” I sing it to myself.
This blog is a way for me to look at myself. Putting my thoughts out there. And right away, there’s that voice saying, “What do you think you have to say?” and “Anything you say, there are others that say it better,” and “Who’s even going to want to read that?” Questions that have kept me from doing this until now.
Bob Dylan says, “Anything I say, you can say it just as good.”
Not likely. Still, I whisper to myself, “Hold it, sit down, focus, don’t pull on the leash.”
And shut Plants Vs. Zombies off.